To Black Women, From a Black Man (That dates interracially)

I wish I could know what you feel. I wish I could know what you’re thinking when you’re doing something as simple as walking down the street. I wish I could imagine what your brain goes through when you are catcalled. I wish I could imagine what you’re thinking when your job tells you to change your hairstyle. I wish I could imagine what you were thinking when men tell you that you’re too revealing. I wish I knew what you were thinking when you feel you’re being harassed. Finally, wish I could imagine why BLACK MEN continue to put you down-instead of uplift you.

In a quote from activist and entrepreneur Mona Diallo, she makes a great point.

“I’ve been fighting consciously for 40 years now. I’ve tried to encourage, build, stand up for, love our people with every heartbeat I take. I be damned if I will stand back and allow anyone to trash us. We have held it down for so long. We’ve planted and plowed. We’ve nursed white children awhile ours were taken away. We’ve marched for hanged bodies and even wrote songs to being attention to them. We’ve paid bails for our sons and buried their bodies while making dinner and going to work the very next day. We’ve tucked in our children and burned the midnight oil studying for that next degree. We’ve planned escapes underground to the north while protesting in the streets for the right to vote. We’ve had our wombs experimented on while providing the basic specimen for all cures, thank you Henrietta. We’ve rocked babies asleep while rocking the mic. We’ve met on Tuesday nights for BLM, when no one else knew what it meant. We are the foundation of it all.”

And this is all true. Black women are the foundation. The givers of life. They are the strong. They are smart. They are beautiful. Most of all, Black Women have been through so much, for so long-and Black Men continue to demonize Black Women, when we should be praising them, and thanking them whenever possible.

The worst of it all, there are Black Men that choose not to date Black Women-and for reasons, in my opinion, that are insensitive and anti-Black. Here are some examples-

1. They’re loud.

2. They’re not submissive.

3. They don’t listen

4. They’re too aggressive.

5. They’re not supportive or patient.

6. Black Women aren’t as beautiful. (this I’ve heard too many times) The beauty standards in the world favor White women.

These are only surface examples-however what I see here are signs of intimidation. None of these simple examples have any accuracy. But Black Men for some reason don’t date Black Women for one or any of these reasons. So they turn to White Women, who are perceived to be submissive, docile, and more supportive than Black Women. This is simply not true.

Now, let me be the first to say, I date interracially. I’ve had long relationships with White Women. I’ve been ridiculed for it, stared at, made fun of. As I got older-into adulthood-I ended up going to an HBCU. My first two years no one wanted to talk to me because I had a White girlfriend. As time went on, I ended up making friends at this college. Some of these friends would go out with me on a Friday night (as college kids do) and would see me talking to a woman of another race. Then I started getting things like, “You get all the White girls! or “Hook me up with a White girl!” It was uncomfortable. Ive never considered any woman a “trophy,” nor have I fetishized White women.

As many of these guys became comfortable talking with me, they would say things like, “I’m tired of Black Girls-I need me a White Girl!” or “Black girls are (insert excuse here)” I never knew what to say. I admit, I laughed (nervously) and quickly changed the subject. But in the back of my mind I didn’t like it. I’ve always despised it-however I was too afraid to speak up because they were my friends. Not anymore. I will continue to speak up for you. And if I decide to date someone outside my race, I will make sure they speak up for you as well.

The point is-you CAN be Black, date interracially, and still be pro-Black. You can have a White significant other, and still uplift Black Women to the highest degree. I do. However as men, we have to do a few things:

1. Stop treating women as trophies.

2. Stop fetishizing White women .

3. Stop yourself when you bash Black Women

4. Give Black Women praise all the time.

5. Not point out flaws in Black Women.

6. SPEAK THE F*** UP when you hear or see a Black man tearing down Black Women.

7. Date interacially, but do it for the right reasons, which, in all honesty, the ONLY reason should be because you like the person for who they are.

As a man who dates interacially, I am not them. I will continue to speak up. I will continue to uplift you. I will continue to defend you. I will continue to march with you. I will continue to unlearn all my toxic masculine traits. I will continue to stay out of anything that has to deal with your body. I will continue to stay out of issues dealing with women unless I am asked. I will continue to support, and fight for you. I will continue to encourage others to speak up against the bashing of Black Women b


Black men belittling Black women, are anti Black. They have self hate. We won’t speak for them, and we will not associate. Black Women are a gift. All the Black women in MY life are. My mother, my sisters, my former partners, my friends….all of them. Thank you for bringing that magic. I love you and will continue to, no matter who I am with, because BLACK WOMENS’ LIVES MATTER. BLACK TRANS WOMENS’ LIVES MATTER.

Cue “Brown Skin Girl” by by Beyoncé, Saint Jhn, and Wizkid.

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